


combined could set it on fire

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I am incapable of writing fluff without angst, I am not sorry, I don't know how to tag this, Jester braids Yasha's hair, No major warnings, OT3 if you squint, pre OT3, they talk about Zuala
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 08:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17998406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: “I was very happy with Zuala. I had many happy moments with her."Jester went quiet, hands stilling. Then she reached and grabbed a pin to hold a strand in place. “What was it like being married?” Jester asked, voice equally soft.-Jester braids Yasha's hair. They talk.





	combined could set it on fire

**Author's Note:**

> originally a prompt fill on tumblr  
> "JESTER BRAIDS YASHAS HAIR???"  
> Find me there at howlingheartdemigod.tumblr.com  
> -  
> title from milk and honey  
> “i do not want to have you  
> to fill the empty parts of me  
> i want to be full on my own
> 
> i want to fill so complete  
> i could light a whole city  
> and then  
> i want to have you  
> cause the two of  
> us combined  
> could set  
> it on fire”

Sitting on the floor of the Lavish Chateau, Yasha wasn’t totally sure why she’d agreed to any of this. Jester had shouted something about a “girls night!” and dragged Yasha, Nott, and Beau all into Marion’s suite and went through every single silly thing she could think of. So far Yasha’s fingers had been painted, her makeup scrubbed and redone, and Jester had forced her change into some frilly pyjamas. Now she was cross legged in front of the bed, Jester’s hands in her hair, brushing out the knots. Marion had sat Beau down on a cushion in the corner and was fixing her eye liner, Nott was sitting nearby chatting with them.

She took a little breath, trying to focus on what Jester was saying. “... And then I was like. ‘Whoa, for real?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m the Traveler and am really cool, so you should worship me and I’ll give you some really cool magic.’ and I was like ‘Okay!’ And that’s how I met the Traveler.” she said, setting the comb aside. Yasha felt Jester work some oil into her hair. “It was so cool. The Traveler is the best.”

“He seems really cool.” Yasha replied, feeling Jester start to lightly tug her hair this way and that, braiding it into some intricate pattern. “I’m glad you were happy growing up here.”

Jester let out a little hum. “It was nice. Were you happy growing up?” She asked. “Like, I know things were rough, but did you have any happy moments?”

Yasha let her eyes drift to where Nott was consulting on how Beau’s makeup should look, smiling. “Not growing up, not really. It was a lot of… I had to work for my keep. But I had, uh…” She lowered her voice so it wouldn’t carry across. “I was very happy with Zuala. I had many happy moments with her."

Jester went quiet, hands stilling. Then she reached and grabbed a pin to hold a strand in place. “What was it like being married?” Jester asked, voice equally soft.

Yasha thought about it, eyes dropping from her friends. “It was… very nice. We didn’t get that much time together, unfortunately, but it was… It felt like someone had come in and filled all the little missing parts of me. I remember… I remember waking up in the early morning, we’d gone off, told the rest of the tribe we were hunting, and I woke up, pressed in her arms, and I felt… complete. I felt content. I would have stayed there forever. I would have been happy to.”

Yasha felt Jester secure a braid, and move on to another section. “Does thinking of her make you happy or sad?”

It was a hard question to answer, she realized. She took a moment, looking across the room again. “It’s… Both. It makes me sad because I do not have her, do not get her anymore. But I think love fills you up, and makes you want to talk about it, talk about that person. It’s nice to get to talk about her a little. It still makes me sad, like I told you when I first told you, I don’t think I will ever be really… truly happy in that way again. I think that would mean leaving Zuala behind, but it’s nice to get to… you know, scratch that itch, talk about how wonderful she was.”

Jester’s hands slowed, then stopped. She leaned forward and hugged Yasha from behind. “I’m sad I didn’t get to meet her.”

Yasha lifted a hand to rest on Jester’s arm. “I think she would have liked you.”

“I would have liked her. And Yasha, I’m sorry you didn’t get to talk about her for so long. I’m sorry you had to keep your sadness to yourself for so long. That’s not fair, no one should have to keep hurt inside. That just makes the hurt worse.”

The words hit her like a blade, cutting to something deep and important in her all too quickly. She swallowed, patting Jester’s arm. “Thank you.” she managed.

Jester nodded, and pulled back. She went back to braiding, letting the silence pool around them. Yasha knew that Jester didn’t like silence, that this was quiet for her. It was a kindness.

But the pool grew too deep for Jester, and she cleared her throat. “Can I be honest, Yasha?” She asked.

“Of course, Jester.” Yasha replied, fingers fiddling with the hem of the soft shirt she’d been lent.

“I don’t think you have to be sad forever to keep her with you.” Jester took a little breath, rushing words out before Yasha could disagree. “I know it hurts, and it’s okay to hurt, but I don’t think you should let it run your fire out. I think that, with how wonderful she was, I don’t think she’d want you to be sad, I think she’d want you to be happy. I think she’d want you to feel like all your missing parts were full again, even without her, even on your own.” Jester’s fingers tied off another braid, then she shifted to the other side. “It sounds like she loved you very much, and I know with the people I love, I don’t want them to be sad. I don’t want your heart to stay broken forever Yasha.”

Yasha lifted her eyes across the room, just as Beau cracked a smile at joke that had been said, that all too rare grin cracking straight through all her walls. She bit her lip, focusing on Jester’s hands in her hair, her gentle decisive fingers creating beautiful patterns. Between the two of them, she didn’t know which was more complicated to focus on. “I know that, Jester.”

“Yeah?” Jester replied.

“Yeah. I… I’m trying to be happy. I promise.”

“Pinky Promise?” Jester stuck a hand out, arm resting on Yasha’s shoulder.

Yasha smiled, and lifted a hand up to hook her finger with Jester’s, turning her head a little to meet her eye. “Pinky Promise.”

Jester smiled, “Okay, good.”

Jester dropped their hands, and poked Yasha’s jaw back around so she could keep braiding, and started off on a story about pulling a prank on Fjord that Yasha half listened to. The rest of her mind was she allowed to wander, drifting, thinking about how much love, was like water; it gave you life, it filled up what was once empty, but if you weren’t careful, it would drown you without thinking twice.


End file.
